The Madness of Unforgiveness: How Do You Know You've Forgiven Someone?

by David Chadwick

The madness of unforgiveness will truly drive you crazy. But true forgiveness brings healing.

But how do you know that you've forgiven someone? Sometimes it can be hard to know if you've truly forgiven someone. Does it mean you can be in the same room as them? Does it mean you would give them a hug? Does it mean you don't desire the worst for them when they cross your mind?

Let's take a look at the story of Joseph to unpack this a bit more (Genesis 37-50). It's one of the most powerful stories of forgiveness in the entire Bible. Joseph's brothers treated him terribly. At the age of 17, they threw him into a pit and then sold him to a passing Egyptian caravan. Joseph was then purchased as a slave by Potiphar where he ran his household excellently. Potiphar's wife actually came on to Joseph and he courageously fled sexual immorality just like Paul urges all to do in 1 Corinthians 6:18.

Potiphar's wicked wife was so angered by Joseph's holy and righteous rejection of her that she concocted a false narrative to her husband about Joseph, implying that he was the one who came on to her!

Joseph was then thrown into prison, some think for as long as 10 years! Eventually, he was set free and went on to become the Prime Minister of Egypt, the second in command in the most powerful nation on the face of the earth at that time.

While in charge, during a time of great famine, Joseph's brothers came to Egypt, asking for food. They appeared before Joseph, not recognizing it was their brother. The gist of the story is Joseph, after spending 22 years in Egypt, forgave his brothers. He embraced them and even wept over them.

But what happened next is an incredible part of the story. When Joseph appeared before Pharaoh to tell him about his brothers in Genesis 45, he did not once, NOT ONE TIME, ever speak disparagingly of them to Pharoah.

How do you know you have totally forgiven someone who has deeply hurt you? I think it might be as simple as the clues found in Joseph's story…you never speak badly about them to another—especially someone who has the power to hurt them later on...The offense is completely forgiven. You've moved on in your life.

And who knows, you might even be able to extend a hug to them if they were to come to you in repentance!