The Joe Rogan Crash Out About Us

We react to the wild JRE #2434 moment where Kurt Metzger & Joe Rogan spiral into theories about our family being the real-life inspiration for Dark Shadows (vampires, Illuminati bloodlines, warlocks?!), us being secret billionaires pulling strings with dumb journalists, techno-puritanism as Luciferian AI-worship, and more.

We break it all down: What they got hilariously wrong (we’re broke, not Bilderberg bosses), what they surprisingly got right (Joe kinda nailed our God-in-the-future views), why this is the coolest thing ever, and how conspiracy theories about us are basically fan fiction we secretly love.

Bonus: Our actual family lore, why we’re anti-mysticism/anti-idolatry puritans, the real origin of techno-puritanism, and why we’d happily join the vampire Illuminati narrative if it means more people having kids. 😂

Episode Transcript:

Malcolm Collins: [00:00:00] Hello Simone. We had a big segment on us in the Joe Rogan podcast

Joe Rogan: the collins’s. So first of all, that feminist, if you watch the video, the feminist who’s saying absolute stupid s**t, it’s a little disingenuous. It reminds me of a, of a Ben Shapiro arguing with a stupid college kid, but he won’t argue with somebody who knows anything,

Kurtz Metzger: right?

Joe Rogan: It’s clearly.

They found this dumb b***h to, to put her out there because you could clear up the misconception in five seconds, sweetie. No, no, I’m, I’m not saying somebody’s better or worse.

Speaker 3: It’s humans are genetically diverse. It’s not a bad thing that humans, I’m saying it’s No, no, I’m not saying it’s a bad or, or, or a good thing. I’m saying there is no scientific evidence

Joe Rogan: I’m just saying genetically it’s different just ‘cause you have a different color.

Speaker 3: The genes that code their skin color, their level of melanin production are different from my genes that melanin production.

Speaker 3: You have no idea how infuriating it is to have a debate about you go viral and apparently everyone has seen this, and then have people criticize you for not saying this and not saying that. [00:01:00] When you said literally exactly those things. Even just in the like minute and a half edited clip that was released and did make it through the media filters.

At the very least, Joe Rogan isn’t buying into this and is like, no, this is just regular media people.

Kurtz Metzger: I don’t think they can find someone who’s better.

That’s where I think you’re wrong.

Joe Rogan: Find

Kurtz Metzger: what someone, who’s better at being a journalist. That’s where I think you’re wrong. I think so many of those people are like her, where they’re just indoctrinated into this certain way of thinking and talking and they, they just wouldn’t even imagine saying there’s genetic differences in the races because of course it’s so problem.

It’s so Charles Murray, this, it’s so problematic. You can get canceled for it. So they’ll just spout out stuff that they haven’t researched at all.

Malcolm Collins: Where one of his guests completely crashes out about us and goes on this wild conspiracy theory about our background.

Joe Rogan: the family. If you ever saw, , Johnny Depp being a remake of it with the Visa Vampire Barnabas Collins. Oh yeah, [00:02:00]

Kurtz Metzger: yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan: Dark shadows. Dark

Kurtz Metzger: shadows, yeah.

Joe Rogan: The seventies one.

Kurtz Metzger: Yeah.

Joe Rogan: That’s about a real family. They were, the, their, their supposedly claim to fame was being the first warlocks or some s**t in America with the Puritans.

Kurtz Metzger: Those were supposedly Americans.

Joe Rogan: They’re in an old bloodline family. ,

Kurtz Metzger: That’s that family supposed to be taking place in New England.

That’s where it’s supposed to be taking place. What? That’s the same family.

Joe Rogan: Yeah. The about

Kurtz Metzger: Collins? The,

Joe Rogan: yeah, it’s about them.

You gotta double check that. Royalty. Bloodline. Royalty. And yeah, if

Kurtz Metzger: Dark Shadows was based on that Collins family, that is crazy.

It was Barnabas Collins

Malcolm Collins: And so we’re going to go over this because a lot of people thought that I would have a negative reaction to this. And it’s like, no, like this is the coolest thing that has ever happened. I tried to seed conspiracy theories about me in media for years. Yeah. Like, this is like some kid at school. Let me, let me okay, so you’re in high school, right?

Like when I was in high school, this is the generation where all the girls are into like vampire books and everything like that. And somebody, it’s, by the way, this was part of his conspiracy. [00:03:00] Somebody, somebody is convinced that I am a vampire and. Big rant in front of the entire student body about how Malcolm is a secret vampire with dark, magical powers.

I do not come outta that assembly. People are, you’re

Simone Collins: sitting here being like, oh, yes, that is definitely not true.

Malcolm Collins: I, I cant confirm or deny any of this. So, Hey, Annie. I, I, I heard that a lot of the other girls think I’m a secret, magical vampire man. This is what I dream dreamed about every day.

And ironically, the show is a good depiction of what growing up in the Collins family is like.

15, 15 and no husband, you must put those birthing hips to good use at once. Lest your womb chivel up and die.

Malcolm Collins: So I wanna go into it because I also think it’s interesting just sort of his world perspective, and if any part of his world perspective, like seems cogent to you, I would seriously ask that you sort of, rethink how you see [00:04:00] reality because you’re likely making a lot of mistaken assumptions about like online celebrities and famous people that are leading you to very seriously misunderstand their lives.

And so we’re gonna go into. Whaty gets wrong about us. And what other people get wrong about us as well, because this is something that we’ve seen in other media about us. There’s this big podcast series, what, what’s it called? Simone? The one about

Simone Collins: Ill conceived.

Malcolm Collins: Ill conceived. Yes. It was promoted by the Guardian.

It’s about the Natalist movement, the prenatal list movement.

Simone Collins: It was promoted by the Guardian,

Malcolm Collins: from what I’ve heard. Yeah. But they refuse to cover us. And they’ll say they refuse to cover us. They’ll cover like what are, what are some of the like wider,

Simone Collins: we talked about Balaji, they had a whole episode on BB Milon, Musk Line Stone, a bunch of obviously Christian Conservative influencers.

Malcolm Collins: They talk around us a lot that like,

Simone Collins: it’s very well we pop up against their consent. You know, it, it’s hard to not

Malcolm Collins: Yeah. Occasionally mention. So, so this is actually [00:05:00] interesting because it’s something that we’re beginning to see on the left now is the very concept of Malcolm and Simone has b