You Are Allowed to Want More

There is something you have been pretending to not want. A life. A relationship. A job. A change. Something that lives in the back of your mind and whispers to you late at night when you are trying to sleep. Something that shows up in the moments when you catch yourself imagining a different future. A different version of your life. A different you who made different choices or took a different turn or said yes instead of no. Something that makes you feel alive for a moment and then immediately guilty for having imagined it. Something that makes you feel hopeful and then immediately ashamed for hoping. Something that you have been making wrong. Making small. Making the thing you do not let yourself think about too much because thinking about it hurts too much because you think it is not available to you. Not for you.

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