How to Ruin Your Life With a Box of Dildos - AUDIO FIXED

On Today’s Show Listener Sponsorship : Big thanks to today’s sponsor, Freeloading Fucktard , who has bravely requested an episode free of body fluids (we’ll see how long that lasts). Opening Rant : A furious homeowner curses out a mortgage company, invoking stomach cancer, hexes, and dildo-headed ass wipers. Truly inspirational. Linda Finkel Hall of Fame : A woman butchers “I Will Always Love You” in multiple vocal styles—ranging from sheep bleating to clenched-jawed farm animal screeches. Incels at the Door : Another “nice guy” loses his mind when a woman won’t be his friend. Spiritual disturbances and Mario Kart invites ensue. Fish Fry Frenzy : 6’6”, 350-lb Bill Wist tries to bankrupt Chuck’s Place with an “all-you-can-eat” fish fry. When they cut him off, he pickets the restaurant with a cardboard box sign and calls the cops. Mom vs. Daughter: Round 9,382 : A narcissistic mom and her freeloader daughter scream over dirty dishes, rent, and real estate agents. Plates are optional, but plastic cups are forever. Fucked Up News : Washington State : A forklift driver tries to drag a bikini barista through a drive-thru window. (Spoiler: he paid with his credit card. Smooth move.) UK : Police officers raid a woman’s home, play with her sex toys, and end her marriage. The cops walk away with “reflective practice.” She gets £3,500 and a reputation as a dildo connoisseur. Listeners weigh in on bowel movements, janky air conditioners, and clone-a-willies. Unicorn Hamster, as always, is horny. Parmesan cheese fetish, anyone? Become a Sideshow member for bonus episodes and exclusives. Support DV on Patreon for extra perks (and occasional surprise merch). Sponsor an episode for just $25—your name, your rules (or your lack of rules).