Is It Time To Start Panic Buy Dildos?

On Today’s Show: It’s a jam-packed Friday freakout featuring haunted abortions, ghost grandkids, pervy American men in Ukraine, and the eternal struggle of pre-ordering a Nintendo Switch 2 without losing your mind—or your place in the checkout queue. 🎮 Switch 2 Rage – Tim details his traumatizing experience trying to preorder Nintendo’s latest console. If you’ve ever sweat through a shirt just trying to give a company your money, you’ll relate. 👻 Alexis K. Tyler Sees Dead Grandbabies – A fetus ghost starts dancing in her room, and somehow this isn’t even the weirdest part of the stream featuring her son, De Niro Red. 💔 Don’t Dictate My Dick – De Niro Red delivers hard truths about toxic relationships, ghost babies, and bitches be trippin’. 🧒 Toddlers & Ashes – A one-year-old boy snacks on Grandpa’s remains. Because why not? 💩 Eco-Retreat Gone to Shit – An environmentally-conscious couple flees Sweden, leaving behind unpaid taxes, 158 barrels of human waste, and dead ducks. 🇺🇦 Creepy Love Tourism – American men fly to Ukraine looking for love (and youth). Tim highlights a standout contender for “Most Likely to End Up on a Watch List.” 🍆 Tariff Panic – With Chinese sex toy imports threatened by massive tariffs, it might be time to hoard those dildos. Tim breaks it all down—and offers a discount code, of course. 🎶 Virginity Parody Anthems – “Willing to Wait,” a horrifying abstinence anthem set to “Old Town Road.” Plus, Tim resurrects his own filthy banger, “Cherabra Venti.” Listener Voicemails: 🧱 LEGO pieces in the nose, memories of childhood stupidity, and almost dying from a throat lozenge. 🏍️ Lorenzo Lamas BBQ sightings in Ohio—yep, really. 🧑‍💻 A heartfelt plea: help Tim get Distorted View back on Wikipedia! Join the Freak Army! Get Sideshow exclusive episodes, bonus segments, and other weird goodies. 📲 Sign up at distortedview.com or via Spotify & Apple Podcasts. 💸 Support DV on Patreon for as little as $1! Featured Phrases of the Day: “Don’t dictate my dick.” “Ghost fetus dancing like a toddler.” “Soup is the quickest way into my pants.” “Fuck my tits, fuck my mouth, when I gag just point it south.” Promo Code Reminder: 🌶️ Get 50% off at AdamAndEve.com with code FREAK – before tariffs make pleasure unaffordable. 00:00:00 Introduction 00:21:02 Tim Takes A Lie Detector Test 04:09:16 Nintendo Switch 2 Preorder 11:19:22 Gen Z Is Triggered By The Thumbs Up Emoji 15:20:20 Alexyss K Tylors Son - Don't Dictate His Dick 21:39:19 Creep Tried To Find Wife In Ukraine 30:34:22 New Abstinence Rock 33:39:17 Sign Up For The Sideshow! 35:41:04 Toddler Snorts Grandfather 38:19:15 Eco Hotel Leaves Over 100 Barrels Of Poop 41:54:09 Time To Panic Buy Dildos 47:02:03 Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending